If You’re Reading This
Prose
By: Tyriek Hampton
If you’re reading this, then it’s probably because I woke up one night and couldn’t sleep,
so I decided to write it out instead of crying, per usual. A lot of nights, I sit up and think about
my life, the things that I have been through, and the many barriers that I am still trying to
overcome. If you’re reading this, it’s because I’m tired. Tired of feeling like I don’t belong in the
world, like I’m trapped in a box that’s forever sealed. I don’t know what it is that separates me
from other people, but there is something there. I think about how nice it would be to feel like
myself again, a happier me at least.
If you’re reading this, lately I’ve been feeling down. If you’re reading this, I am a victim
of bullying and truth be told, I feel like I’ve got a war going on in my mind,
“Should I give up?”
“Is it worth it?”
It’s a never-ending cycle of depression. Just because it goes away doesn’t mean that it
doesn’t come back. Life is so beautiful, I just haven’t found the light at the end of the tunnel yet.
Being bullied is not a good feeling, and it takes a toll on me. No one should ever wonder why
they aren’t good enough or feel as if there’s nothing left to do except commit suicide. I am
writing to the people who have called me a fag, said I would burn in Hell, that I’d go so far as to
contract the AIDS virus. I remember the time a group of boys tried to beat me up. All because of
the way I’ve decided to live my life. All because I’ve decided to be free from the judgment of
others. If you’re reading this, you should know, most days I don’t even want to go to school
because I don’t want to have to deal with the disrespect. It’s like a boulder, on top of everything
else that I carry. I honestly feel like I’m trapped,
Caged.
Tied down.
Bound to answer to society’s whims.
If you’re reading this, this could have easily been a suicide note: But I am still here. And
when I woke up from what was a deep slumber, instead of crying, I thought about the life that I
would build for myself if pushed past my fears. Eyes open, I decided to put the pills down, and
throw the note away. If you’re reading this, I fought and won the battle that victims fight
everyday.